'Doin' it for the kids'#Altar.for.Life (in english)

Recently I submitted a post to Offbeat Families. Submitted in this case does not automatically mean that it will be posted or published if you will. Offbeat Families is a website – but it is more than a website – on (offbeat) families with children. And that is something that we, my husband and I, are not. Yes, we are a family and no – as you already know – we don’t have children. Would really like for you to be able to read the text that I have submitted. Because I don’t know whether it will be posted, I am sharing my latest text on 'childless by choice' and what childless 'parents' can mean for other parents here. 'Hell', I have a blog of my own – I can post here whatever I write and whatever is on my mind. Ok, 'hallelujah' that is.


'Doin' it for the kids!'

What makes an offbeat family offbeat? The number of kids, the way of raising the kids, having gay parents, taking care of adopted children, foster children, being a single parent or being a family of two: husband and wife? In our case it is being a family of two, my husband and myself. Pretty offbeat these days – because having children (I prefer ‘becoming parents’) is far more normal than not and far more accepted. Childless by choice is the offbeat family-form of 2014 if you ask me. The reason for this opinion is the fact childless by choice-men and –women are often asked why and even more often judged by it (and not always in a positive way). It is more of a challenge for me to defend (I prefer 'explain' but it sometimes feels like 'defend' (or is it me?) my choice than it is for a parent.

Our family of two

To give you an idea, here are some of the remarks that I get: “Really, are you childless by choice? But why are you a woman then?” – Really? – Yes, really. And it was a woman stating this. Really? Yes, really. Another one, “If you don’t give birth than you aren’t a real woman.” Yes, really and again a woman. Comments like, ‘selfish', 'not natural', 'not normal', 'why else be woman (maybe because I’m born this way?)’ are often the rule rather than the exception. So the offbeat family isn’t a family with gay parents of different cultures and nationalities, with children of their own, adopted and foster – no it is the man and woman – married (or not) – who've choosen not to become parents.

Not many people relate to the choice I made, but apparently they let themselves ‘not like and sometimes even hate what they don’t understand’. My choice is made with love, from love and for love. I am convinced that because there are men and women like my husband and myself that other men and women CAN have kids.
Why?
Because it takes a whole village to raise a child. If a mother is shorthanded, or a father, we can help. We live in your village. We babysit or can babysit your children. Because we live in the same village. We, along with you, keep an eye on your children while they’re playing outside. We live besides you in the same village. And if you’re temporarily unable to take care of your child no matter the circumstances, we can step in and we will step in – for as long as it is necessary. We live in your village.

"It takes a whole village to raise a child." African proverb

We, as childless adults, know that we don’t know what it is like to be fulltime parents to childeren of our own. But we empathize with the difficult job it can be, the work it takes and with a lot of what comes along with being a parent. It can be overwhelming as it can be magical. But for the moments that it is overwhelming and maybe even a little too much, know that there are people like us to who you can come to for support. We live in your village, we live in the village where your children live. Nurture us, embrace us – let's embrace each other, we all need each other. Let’s do this...doin' it for the kids!